Monday, January 09, 2006

I am a sandwich eating genius

My late grandmother taught me that there was only one way to make a peanut and butter jelly sandwich: 55% peanut butter and 55% jelly. She cranked those things out for me as long as she could, even offering to make them about 10-15 times a day when her dementia began to kick in.

I grew some as an individual last year, however, when I attempted the triple decker PB&J. It met with some success, but my fellow teachers at South Side laughed at me. I became too shy to eat it in front of them and had to retreat to my classroom.

In privacy, I continued to experiment. Now, I am not a bad cook, and have developed some kitchen intuition, but even I was not prepared for what I pulled off tonight: my new favorite sandwich. Try it if you dare:

The Grilled Peanut Butter and Misc. Crap Sandwich

1. Butter the bread.
2. Slather on the PButter.
3. Pour honey on it.
4. Sprinkle on some chocolate chips.
5. Add sliced strawberries.
6. and some sliced bananas, too.
7. Grill it a la mode du grilled cheese.

Actually, I got this recipe from a magazine, so I'm not some sandwich-making genius. I am just a sandwich eating genius.


letsgothrow said...

My jaw actually stopped working and my stomach immediately started to ache just reading the ingredients. I would hate to see what would happen to a digestive system if it ever came into contact with something like that. My god!

Tito said...

Mr. Hill, was it you who taught me long ago that the key to a successful PB&J is to put PB on both slices and then jelly in the middle? This keeps the jelly from soaking through. Incidentally, I too discovered the triple-decker; my primary reason for making it is because a simple two-slice sandwich isn't enough to satisfy my hunger. However, unlike you, my peers do not ridicule me and I proudly devour it before jealous eyes. It's OK - Missouri has always been a little ahead of Indiana in terms of accepting things like this.

Mr. Hill said...

Y'know, I don't think I was the one to pass on that theory of PB&J construction. It's not the way I was taught, anyhow. I have a slight preference for the jelly side of the bread, and don't mind a little soak-through.

Plus, in my experience, jelly soak-through is not as big a problem as is jelly-squeeze-out, which is made marginally worse with the p butter on both sides.

One man's opinion, of course.

letsgothrow said...

I've found that peanut butter on one side and a subtle slathering of butter on the other side with jelly in the middle makes the perfect artery clogging confection.

Mr. Hill said...

I hadn't thought of that, using butter without grilling it.

My uncle invented a dish he calls "Uggum Shmuggum" that consists of butter, peanut butter, and syrup mixed together on a plate.

I don't think I'd eat that even if I were on Fear Factor.

Random1001.5 said...

Awesome, I need to try that... I'll eat anything, well, almost... I'll even eat ketchup and mustard plain. Is that weird, that I will willingly eat condiments, and bread? I'm not really sure, but it does taste good.